I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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