i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
