I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
