if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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