I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
