Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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