i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
