Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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