Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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