swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
