I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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