420 ftw
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
