Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
