Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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