remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
