Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
