he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
