so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
