I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
