So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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