Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
