Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
