question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
