her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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