I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
