i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
