if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
