i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
