I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
