Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
