1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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