What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
