not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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