just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
