Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Randomize
