I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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