is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
