Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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