i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
