Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
