There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
