I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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