Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
