Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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