i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We need to get me chipped asap
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
