If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
