When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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