do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
