i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
