i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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