you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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